I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
