Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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