my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
