Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
