So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
