You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
