The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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