I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
