I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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