I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize