I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
