I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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