How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
