Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
This baby is an asshole
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
