i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
