just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
