She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
