OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
