There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
