No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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