i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
