i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Randomize
