I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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