You really coming over, don't trick.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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