I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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