it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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