White coat. Heels.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
