if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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