We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
