do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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