Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
