I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
