But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
