So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
