it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
