I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
