That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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