He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
