My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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