you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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