someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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