do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
