I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
