I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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