Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
