I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
