just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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