Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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