ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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