Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
