He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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