I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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