for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize