Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
