So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
