And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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