made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
