Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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