i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my shit smells like andre
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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