It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
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Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
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i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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