I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
