C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
